खो गई गुड़िया

तब सिर्फ ऊँगली पकड़ कर चलना सीखा था

आज थामा है हाथ तो डर सा लगता है

जिस स्कूटर की सीट पर बैठ कर उड़ना सीखा था

आज उसका काला गद्दा फटा सा नज़र आता है

तब सिर्फ पानी में डूबने का तक डर था

आज तो शर्म में डूबने का भी दिल चाहता है |

तब अलग अलग रंगों का रब्बर- बेंड लगा, पापा का हेलमेट पेहेनकर फोटो खिचवाई थी 

आज घंटो रंगों का ताल मेल बिठा कर, डेट पर जाती हूँ |

तब तो आइस-क्रीम वेगन के कद से भी छोटी हुआ करती थी

कि दिखता नहीं था, भैया के बर्फ के पिटारे में क्या क्या है

आज एक्सक्यूस-मी बोलकर चोकलेट-फ़ज मंगाती हूँ

धीमे से म्यूसिक वाले रेस्तोरेंट में

जहाँ दुनिया का पिटारा काफी साफ़ नज़र आता है आज

सामने बैठा एक अजनबी आदमी, अजनबी ही तो था कुछ वक़्त पहले तक

आगे बढ़कर हाथ हाथों में ले लेता है |

पहली पेंसिल नटराज कि हाथ में पकड़ी थी, लाल पेंसिल

आज लाल लिपस्टिक लगा कर पाउट बनाने कि कोशिश करती हूँ

जिन दीवारों पर खूबसूरत रंगों के गुब्बारे लगाती थी अपने जन्मदिन पर

आज वहां आने वाले कल कि तस्वीर क्लोस-अप में टंगी है |

दस रुपए खोये थे स्कूल में जब पहली बार, तब बहुत रोई थी 

आज इक्कीस हज़ार का चैक, घर पर देते हुए अछा लगता है |

तितलियों के पीछे भागा करती थी तब

आज बटर-फ्लाई किस देते ही भाग जाती हूँ

जहाँ बहुत सवाल रेहते थे 

आज वहां खुद्दारी ने जगह बना ली है

सपना था डाक्टर बन्ने का 

आज एइफ्फेल के नीचे रोमांस का सपना देखती हूँ |

पापा कि गुड़िया अब बड़ी हो गई है |

The Youth of Old Age

Chipping of the nails, the worn off skin,
the smile of impending rebirth, resonating the time which ran by like round tin rumbling down on the steep road.
The worn off smile with which you wont be akin. You wont be akin to the duck she earned in life.
She was a happy duckling once,
sitting besides her piano dancing on the life's sync. The high notes deserted her and
she dragged the doom with her.
In the romance of the resonance, she kept quiet.
She chose to grow with nothing but herself. Celebrating liveliness.
Coming together with lifelessness, coming apart from colors
the drooping sunflowers.
She is entangled in the remaining crystal clear threads.
At fifty-five today, she too had a once upon a time.

Survival with love, Survival for love ♥

♥

In the rains… under the sun

my feelings for You keep firing my life like a gun,

my heart seems hollow; by each passing day a deep scar remains.

There isn’t a bullet then from where it really came?

I know I love You but nothing has yet started,

why is then my life synonymous to paradoxes and dilemmas,

when its just You who I have wanted?

Tell him, show him, that you are the one,

who has been caring all this while,

for all his joys and all his smiles.

And you are the reason for which God has been bestowing love, mercy and happiness upon him.

It’s the power of your love that has got him his wishes granted, a better life than before,

that is what my friends expect me to tell him,

but on grounds of selfless love, I resist…

though a beautiful future is what all I have wished for.

But nobody can risk the kind of friendship we have nurtured,

Although my heart does love You, so much, from the core.

Now, I hate being blessed,

for now You have the clue and I have no choice left.

For even You want to know what that little heart contains,

I’m just holding on; deep inside, each one is beating for You, and I too take the blame.

I made You actually realize that I hope of being with You,

the bond never weakened, maybe grew even fonder too.

I indirectly meant my words and You caught it,

your heart and the mind witnessed a war in reaction,

and You fought it.

You made your assumptions, You made your conclusions,

actually they wont ever need a mending,

but I can’t tell You what you’ve always wanted to know,

I did promise for it cunningly,

and I know it is still pending!!

Apart from words, there would be something by my side.

What it feels like,

when in a contact list of two hundred, only one is visible, even bolder,

when your thoughts creep in and then collide…

I look upto the moon and remember You, my world is getting colder.

♥

Inside there is just a wanting,

to stay with the feeling for the time being,

living a beautiful dream of what the time shall bring.

And I survive these thoughts with love, like pillow-fights,

Each cushion plays a role, while we want to hold some tight.

We hit some back and need some back too…

How can then we say to someone that we love them just ‘cause they deserve it?

How untrue!!

No destination of this haunting feeling seems near, neither of my heart,

empty world, always ready for a new journey to start.

Give me a reason, or give me a promise too.

Of being together in whatever way You want to do.

 No destination of this haunting feeling seems near, neither of my heart,

nor of the heartbeat this time.

Its been too long a survival, and it shall always be…

A survival; to be with You,

a survival to get You through,

a survival of the ‘me’; with You; for You.